Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
