dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
