Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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