My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
