My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
