My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
