In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
