YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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