then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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