I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
vagina is talking i cant
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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