I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
