Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
