I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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