is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
