chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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