If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
