I'm laying in your front yard are you home
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Naked Twister starts at high noon
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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