dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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