she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
