No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
