I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
