I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
