Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
