Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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