My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
