your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
