what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
