I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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