I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
