wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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