Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
