Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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