Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
