imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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