drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
