So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
