we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
