Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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