I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
