Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
