Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
