Will you blow on my dice?
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
