I think I died a long time ago.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
