FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
