How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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