Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
