So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
