so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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