We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
