What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
thus making me awesome and them whores
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
