what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
